It's the Journey, Not the Destination

        Life is full of beauty. Life is full of pain. Life is full of paths, hills, valleys, mountains, tunnels, rocky roads and smooth roads. Life is full of much more than what can be taken in in a quick glance. Life is full of so much that we normally fail to see. We wonder why things happen. We wonder why things are the way they are. We spend life wondering because we are always in such a hurry.

        When you go on a trip you are always worried about getting to your destination as soon as possible. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe by rushing you are missing the most important part of the ride?

        In life it is not about the destination, but instead it is about the journey and how you get there. It’s not about getting there as fast as possible or what is there waiting for you. Life’s journey offers each and every one of us a chance to learn not only about life in general but about ourselves personally. We aren’t going to remember our destinations but we will remember the journey. We may not remember every place we have gone but we will remember the eleven hour car ride singing Jason Aldean laughing because we try to harmonize or the beauty passing by as we look out the car windows: trees, mountains, valleys, rivers, horses, birds, clouds with the sun rays shining through. We will remember the times with family and friends, going on adventures, getting lost, and finding small treasures that we will keep forever. We will remember the laughs and the tears, the happiness and the pain, the gains and the losses.

        Without our journeys in life we would not be the people we are today. The journeys in life bring good and bad, achievements and mistakes, joy and hurt. All of these shape us into who we are today. Some parts of the journey are tougher than others but we have to stay strong, learn and grow from it, and keep pushing on through the journey of life.

        In my journey of life I am currently climbing a mountain. I have fallen to the valley in my journey and am making my way back up to the top. I have learned so much from my stay in the valley. I have learned relationships are built on a foundation of trust and when that trust is broken the relationship is shattered. I have learned no matter how many times I fall I will be strong enough to get back up. I have learned we find out who are true friends are when we go through bad times. I have learned some people only come into our lives to use us and bring us down but we have to be one step ahead of their game. We have to be thankful for the lessons they have taught us and know that the pain they have caused us only makes us stronger and in the end it is their loss, not ours. I have learned I have so many people standing behind me supporting me in any situation in my life. I have learned some people cause us to change who we really are and make us lose sight of our true selves. I have learned the ones we become the closest with are the ones that hurt us the most. I have learned once you love someone you will continue to love them but sometimes it’s in your best interest to let them go. You will love them the rest of your life but you can and will, with time, learn to live without them. I have learned I am a lot stronger than I think I am. I have learned no matter how much you know a person people change. I have learned to look at the positive in every situation. I have learned a negative attitude only brings you down. I have learned how to smile, laugh and cry but most importantly I have learned how to be myself.

        So, my dear friend, where are you at in your journey of life? Are you going through a tough time down in the valley or are you at the top of a mountain facing the dangers of life? Are you working your way up a mountain or going down a rocky road? No matter where you are in your journey, remember you are not alone. You have so many people that love and care for you and you are a strong person. You will make it through whatever it is that you’re going through. You will learn and grow from every experience and situation you take on. You will become a better and stronger person with every tear you cry and every laugh you laugh. If you don’t know where to begin, take a small step. Every step you take will give you strength and before you know it you will be moving along in your journey of life. You will find your happiness and reach your destination but take your time. Why rush through the most amazing opportunity we have been given? Everyone’s journey of life is different, are you living yours to the fullest?

Seeing Is Believing, Believing Is Seeing

                Today I had the opportunity to spend some time with two of my younger cousins, ages six and two. I babysat them for two hours but in those two hours I not only learned about myself but about life as well. I learned that I have forgotten how to have fun, how to put all my worries aside for a few minutes and enjoy the good in my life, how to play. Through the passing of years, we take on a lot of responsibilities and stresses. We forget what life is like through the eyes of a child. Do you remember how excited you were as a child on Christmas Eve or even when you made a huge accomplishment? We, as adults, can learn so much by spending time with young children. They are full of excitement, enthusiasm, wonder but even more importantly, they believe. Children not only believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy but they believe in themselves. As we grow up we forget what it is like to believe in all of these.

                With it being the Christmas season I have been thinking about the importance of believing, not only during the holiday season but throughout life. As young children we believe in Santa Claus but over the years we stop believing. Santa may in fact not exist but what or who does it hurt to believe? In life we go through times where we may not believe in something but there are others things in which we strongly believe. As a Christian I firmly believe that there is a God. I may not have physical evidence that He is real but I know He is there because I believe.

                There have been many times in my life where I have lost belief in myself. I was reminded today while babysitting just how early we learn to not believe in ourselves. How many times and at what age do we begin to hear young children say, “I can’t do it”? But as a child we have parents and other adults instantly reassuring us that we can in fact do it. Children’s disbelief in themselves is so easily fixed and turned into “I can do it!” As adults our disbelieving attitude is harder to change. Why is that? Are we afraid? Why is it so hard to look at situations as if the glass is half full instead of looking at it as if it were half empty? Where has our negative outlook on life come from? Is it too late to turn our thinking around?

                No, it is not too late to change our thoughts. I am currently working with my therapist on my outlook on different situations. Depression is not easily understood by many but through my depression I have trained my brain to instantly think of the worst in any situation. I have told myself over and over the past months that “I won’t get through this,” “I can’t do it,” “These feelings of sadness will never end,” “All I ever do is make mistakes.” I have lost the aspect of believing in myself. I have begun to tell myself “I will get through this,” “I can do it,” “These feelings of sadness will soon go away and I will find happiness,” “I have made mistakes but I have grown and learned from each and every one of them.” I am beginning to believe in myself again. What a wonderful feeling! Some situations in life cause us to lose belief in ourselves but it will be found again. I have such a strong support system behind me. Knowing that each of them believe in me and believe that I will succeed makes my belief in myself that much stronger. When we come together and believe we create something amazing. The power of belief is a very strong thing. We must believe in ourselves as well as in others. “The strongest single factor in prosperity consciousness is self-esteem: believing you can do it, believing you deserve it, believing you will get it.” We can do anything we put our minds to, we deserve the very best in life and we will get what we deserve but only if we believe. I challenge you to look at every situation you are faced with in a positive way. Train your brain to think down a path of believing and positivity. Leave the negative thinking behind and live life with a new outlook.

                So let me ask you something. Will you be a believer this holiday season and next year and the year after that? More importantly, will you believe in yourself with each and every step you take in your life whichever direction that may be? Will you believe in yourself in the good times and the bad? Will you believe in yourself through life’s struggles? I will end with a quote I found: “We all have our own life to pursue. Our own kind of dream to be weaving…And we all have the power to make wishes come true, As long as we keep believing.” I know I believe.  Do you believe?

Merry Christmas!

Lies and Letting Go

               I have recently gone through a large amount of pain and heartache. I was betrayed by my two “best friends.” For 3 weeks I was stabbed in the back and lied to by two of the people who meant the world to me. I was hurting inside and out and being slowly ripped apart. The pain was visible yet they continued to go behind my back and feed me lies. The night of December 3, 2010 was a horrific night but as I sit here and think back to that appalling night I now see it was a time of realization and a time to begin to move forward.

                It is now December 23, 2010. Twenty days later, I continue to struggle. I have made progress but there is still a long road ahead of me. I have shared my story with friends, family, a doctor and a therapist. You see, I have fallen into a state of depression. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 I overdosed on medicine. That night I could not see how I would make it through the hurt and pain and wanted to end it. Thankfully, Lindsay, a close friend of mine called my parents. Knowing that I have people like Lindsay in my life has helped me change my thoughts and has led me to a road of recovery. I have such a loving support system behind me.  I now run to those who will lift me up but I still hang on to those who have brought me down. Why do I do this when I know it’s not good for me?

                I have been told over and over to let them go; that true friends wouldn’t do what they did to me. I was told, “A clean break heals faster than a fracture.” Though this is true, I think back to all of the good times we had. Movie nights, Wii nights, eating out, goofing off, spending time together doing nothing. The 3 amigos. Inseparable. Do the good times outweigh the bad? How do you cut the line between the people you spent four months with doing everything together? Would I really be better off without them in my life? I have all of these unanswered questions running through my mind. I don’t know if I should listen to my head or my heart. What I do know is that I am the only one who knows what is best for me. I can listen to the opinions of every person in the world but not one of them knows exactly what is best for me, only I can make that decision. But what is the right decision? If I continue to hang on to them, even through all the pain they have caused, does that mean I still want them in my life? Or am I hanging on because I’m scared?

                Why is it that we hang on to things/people we know we are better without? This was my best friend, Jordan’s, response, “We still hang on to those we're better without because we still have that hope and desire that they will turn into things that will be better to have and we’re also afraid of what it will turn into when we actually have to proceed without them.” So why am I hanging on? This is such a deep question with so many answers that I can’t simplify it to one answer.  I hang on because: I love him and I love her. I spent so much time with each of them. I care about them. We’ve been through so much together. They were my best friends. We did everything together. They were my life.

                As I read my answers to why I am hanging on I notice something very important; I use past tense. They “were” my best friends and we “did” everything together. Does this show that I am slowly moving on without them? In life we learn that people come and go. Some people will be your friend for a lifetime while others are only there for a short while. I now face the decision of whether I am better off with or without them. I know that in order for me to move on I have to forgive them but forgiving them doesn’t mean I have to keep them in my life. They have left their mark in my life and to be honest they have only created a stronger and better Britni Danielle Dunlap and for that I thank them but the way they treated me is completely unacceptable.

                I have learned that you have to let go of people even if it is hard. Life isn’t easy but through the trials and tribulations you only become a better person.  The hard times in life serve a purpose even if you can’t see it at the time or understand why it is happening. There will always be unanswered questions and sometimes you may never understand why certain things happen but you have to move forward and let go of the past. You must hope and live for a better future. You only live once so don’t waste your life wondering “what if.” Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are and who will support you in any situation. Respect those who respect you and leave those who don’t behind. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Learn and grow from every mistake you make and look at everything in a positive way: You are who you are, be proud of yourself.