Communication Is the Key

I have friends who know absolutely every little thing about me and I have friends who barely know me the slightest bit. I’m closer to some family members than others. In life, there will be people with whom you are closer than with others. So what is it that allows you to become close with a person? What is the key that makes any kind of relationship work?

I have a simple, yet, complex answer. Communication. Communication is what allows you to become close with a person and it is the key to a healthy relationship.

Throughout school we learn that men and women communicate differently. A man can say one thing and a woman interprets it as the complete opposite. A woman can also say something and a man takes it the wrong way. We learn that communication can cause chaos in a relationship.

When communicating, we tend to “attack” the other person. We don’t do this on purpose but this is what leads to an unhealthy relationship. If communication is the key, how can it also be the thing that can tear a relationship apart?

I have people in my life who are hard to approach. They are hard to talk to. I feel that if I were to talk to these people they would automatically judge me. So what do I do? I completely avoid talking to them about the things that need to be talked about. They are close to me but they hardly know me because I am afraid to talk to them, afraid to let them know the true me.

I tried throughout my childhood to open up to these people. Time and time again I was told I was wrong, I was judged and I was shot down. I became quiet and isolated. I bottled up my thoughts and feelings inside. I beat myself up over the smallest things. After being shot down so many times I stopped trying. I mean what is the point in trying to talk to someone if they aren’t really going to hear what you have to say? What is the point if you’re only going to get judged and shot down?

These thoughts overwhelmed me but I was taught to never give up. So, now as a 20 year old I am working on communication. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to communicate but sometimes communication is difficult. There are some people who make you automatically put up a wall of defense and you shut down.

Where do we go from here? How do we communicate with those who cause us to put up that wall? First of all, we must be strong. Nobody is too scary to approach. Fear is a thing of the mind. Fear is conquerable which means communication is possible with anyone. Yes, even that one person you have been scared to approach up to this day.

Here’s how you do it. Communicate using “I” statements. One of the reasons it may be hard to communicate is because the other party feels as if he is being attacked. When having a conversation it normally turns into, “You made me mad,” “You did this,” “You did that.” This kind of conversation is putting the blame on the other person and causing them to feel as if they need to speak up and defend themselves. Before long there is either an argument or there is no more talking. In order to have a healthy relationship we must learn to communicate using “I” statements. “I feel,” “I think,” “I” need, etc. are good ways to get your thoughts and feelings out when approaching anyone especially those who are hard to talk to.

Now, choose that person who you really want to talk to but find it rather difficult. Give using “I” statements a chance. If you want a better and healthier relationship with someone remember to communicate, communicate, communicate but be sure to do it in the correct way.

Do Not Hide Any Longer

Over the weekend I was reminded just how much each and every one of us keeps from a certain person or multiple people. When we are upset and have had our feelings hurt instead of telling the person they hurt our feelings we decide to keep it to ourselves and suffer. Why do we do this? We obviously know that we should talk to the person but it’s like we are fearful of what may happen. We know that if we don’t say anything then it may happen again and again, yet we still “hide” our feelings.

I am guilty of hiding my feelings especially when someone has said something that really hurts. Why do I allow myself to become overtaken by the words from someone else’s mouth? Why do I allow myself to be affected by the negative words? More importantly, why do I fail to tell the people how they have made me feel? Is it because I am afraid? Is it that I am intimidated? Is it because I would rather suffer than stand up to someone?

Not only have I hid my true feelings but I have seen others do it as well. Just this past weekend I watched a loved one be hurt by the words of another loved one. Instead of sharing how she was hurt with the person who said the words she kept it to herself until she shared it with me.  I was greatly affected by this situation because I have been in her shoes. I felt terrible and disappointed in myself because if I would have shared how the person had hurt my feelings then maybe, just maybe, I would not have had to watch my loved one go through so much pain. I comforted her and told her she needed to be strong and stand up and tell how she was hurt because if she didn’t say anything the person would not know any better and it would continue to happen.

I have been able to share my thoughts and feelings with the people that should know except for one important person. He means a lot to me but I still cannot find enough strength in myself to talk to him. It may be a mystery as to why I will not talk to him but the answer as to why may be deep down inside of me and I know why I won’t talk to him.

So think about it. Who do you “hide” from? Does the same person hurt you over and over? You need to stand up for yourself no matter who is hurting you whether it is a parent, sibling, family member or friend. Remember that you are strong and by sharing how you have been hurt will make you feel better. Don’t hide and suffer, share, learn, and grow closer to the people who say/do things that hurt your feelings.  

We all have that one person who is extremely hard to talk to. I wish I could go right up to the person and say everything that has been on my mind my whole life but I don’t. I lay in bed at night thinking about what to say and when the time comes when we are together I somehow talk myself out of it. I, just like you, need to be strong and not afraid. We can do it. We can keep others from getting hurt. It takes one step at a time. The first step is the hardest but know that it gets easier. So don’t hide anymore. Tell how you feel because you may not get the chance if you keep waiting and waiting.

I am not just guilty of hiding my feelings but I am guilty of hiding from myself and others. We all make mistakes and sometimes feel ashamed but we should no longer hide. We need to give all of our problems and mistakes and place them in the hands of the One who gave his life for us. Don't hide the true person you are. Be proud of yourself and learn from your mistakes in the past. If it was a mistake, it's in the past; move on. Learn from your mistakes and make a better future. Don't hold your pain inside. Be willing to share with others; you don't know how many people can relate to your situation. Share with others. You may save or impact someone else's life.

To anyone who hides behind a smile

To anyone who holds their pain inside

To anyone who thinks they’re not good enough

To anyone who feels unworthy of love

To anyone who ever closed the door

Closed their eyes and locked themselves away

You don’t have to hide

You don’t have to hide anymore

You don’t have to face this on your own

You don’t have to hide anymore

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are

To anyone who’s tryin’ to cover up their scars

To anyone who’s ever made a big mistake

We’ve all been there, so don’t be ashamed

Come out, come out and join the rest of us

You’ve been alone for way too long

And if you feel like no one understands

Come to the One with scars on His hands

‘Cause He knows where you are, where you’ve been

His scars will heal you if you let Him