Communication Is the Key

I have friends who know absolutely every little thing about me and I have friends who barely know me the slightest bit. I’m closer to some family members than others. In life, there will be people with whom you are closer than with others. So what is it that allows you to become close with a person? What is the key that makes any kind of relationship work?

I have a simple, yet, complex answer. Communication. Communication is what allows you to become close with a person and it is the key to a healthy relationship.

Throughout school we learn that men and women communicate differently. A man can say one thing and a woman interprets it as the complete opposite. A woman can also say something and a man takes it the wrong way. We learn that communication can cause chaos in a relationship.

When communicating, we tend to “attack” the other person. We don’t do this on purpose but this is what leads to an unhealthy relationship. If communication is the key, how can it also be the thing that can tear a relationship apart?

I have people in my life who are hard to approach. They are hard to talk to. I feel that if I were to talk to these people they would automatically judge me. So what do I do? I completely avoid talking to them about the things that need to be talked about. They are close to me but they hardly know me because I am afraid to talk to them, afraid to let them know the true me.

I tried throughout my childhood to open up to these people. Time and time again I was told I was wrong, I was judged and I was shot down. I became quiet and isolated. I bottled up my thoughts and feelings inside. I beat myself up over the smallest things. After being shot down so many times I stopped trying. I mean what is the point in trying to talk to someone if they aren’t really going to hear what you have to say? What is the point if you’re only going to get judged and shot down?

These thoughts overwhelmed me but I was taught to never give up. So, now as a 20 year old I am working on communication. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to communicate but sometimes communication is difficult. There are some people who make you automatically put up a wall of defense and you shut down.

Where do we go from here? How do we communicate with those who cause us to put up that wall? First of all, we must be strong. Nobody is too scary to approach. Fear is a thing of the mind. Fear is conquerable which means communication is possible with anyone. Yes, even that one person you have been scared to approach up to this day.

Here’s how you do it. Communicate using “I” statements. One of the reasons it may be hard to communicate is because the other party feels as if he is being attacked. When having a conversation it normally turns into, “You made me mad,” “You did this,” “You did that.” This kind of conversation is putting the blame on the other person and causing them to feel as if they need to speak up and defend themselves. Before long there is either an argument or there is no more talking. In order to have a healthy relationship we must learn to communicate using “I” statements. “I feel,” “I think,” “I” need, etc. are good ways to get your thoughts and feelings out when approaching anyone especially those who are hard to talk to.

Now, choose that person who you really want to talk to but find it rather difficult. Give using “I” statements a chance. If you want a better and healthier relationship with someone remember to communicate, communicate, communicate but be sure to do it in the correct way.